Before placing your call, be sure that children are duly occupied and secure so as not to be a distraction. Check. Place call to Piano Tuner and listen carefully to 2 minute long prerecorded message featuring references to skills and extensive professional training. Followed quickly by a number where he can be reached and a beep. While writing number down, make sure 19 month old aspiring musician has access to small wooden recorder and is tooting joyfully at your feet. Miss hearing last two numbers. Sigh exasperatingly and hang up.
Place call again, listen with slightly less interest to prerecorded message and with much more intent to the phone number where he can be reached. While listening intently, have 19 month old tweeting and tooting with renewed gusto JUST as last number is spoken, and groan with even greater exasperation. Hang up and note that child has stopped tooting and is busily entertaining himself with a nice quiet book. Chuf at the irony.
Place call yet again. Listen, and recite in time, outgoing message. Squeeze head painfully between palm and phone as phone number is read for the third time. Write number triumphantly and with exclamatory "HA!", wait for beep to leave message.
BEEP! Begin leaving message of introduction as 19 month old rediscovers wooden instrument and happily toots ode to joy while running at your legs for a tackle. Twist free of tooting toddler while explaining where you heard of tuner's services and add resounding bark of basset who has also had her fill of kinder music for the day. To oddly melodic and well timed tooting and barking, add energetic grab of dishtowel from sink to toss in general direction of dog. Make sure dishtowel is unexpectedly soaking wet and fling water all over self and kitchen in the process.
Keep leaving message through gritted teeth and impending laughter at dog's startled silence and immediate commencement of barking. For grand finale, have wildly tooting toddler discover that he is sorely lacking in the percussion department and grab nearest kitchen cabinet door. Have toddler open and slam cabinet in surprisingly rapid succession, while maintaining perfect pitch and volume on wooden instrument. Dog must still be barking to create a cacophony unrivaled by a Metallica concert.
Stop and restart message repeatedly, stifling laughter and ending in rapid recitation of own phone number. All of this while grabbing for wooden instrument and door handle as toddler screams and runs away wailing in protest.
Hang up phone. Stand with mouth agape and wonder if piano really needs to be tuned... because he probably won't be calling back.
No comments:
Post a Comment